Hardscrabble Life



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It’s a hardscrabble life.

Sometimes you just get blind-sided and have to right yourself. If you don’t have God to right you, what do you do? Where do you go? Who do you turn to?

I love (not really) how my health always seems to take a turn for the worse all at once.

“You have to have your stent blown out, or get a new one,” says my Cardiologist. The weird thing is, I never have any symptoms so statements like this come as a shock.

“Does your back hurt?” My Hematologist-Oncologist (Hem-Onc) asks.

“No, why?”

“The CT shows some new lesions and one is on your L3.”

My cancer is back. Active. No longer “stable and dormant” which I’d gotten used to saying when people asked me how I was doing.

A PET scan is ordered. A couple lesions in my lungs and one on my spine . . . confirmed.

Sigh. I’d been doing so well for the last year or so.

I close myself off in my room. “Lord?” I whisper. “Do we have to go through this again?”

I don’t hear anything, but He is close, I can tell. That comforts me.

We’ve been through this before, He and I. Then (in 2015) He settled me in His quieting, amazing, and profound peace and I know He will again.

Truthfully, I didn’t think I’d ever want for His peace again. I thought that once it was given, I’d always have it. And I probably do, it’s just that it’s been buried. Down deep in my soul. Covered by the good times, the glory days.

But I find that I do want no, need . . . no, crave . . . the everlasting peace of my Savior. I need it now. I need to be immersed in it again.

In John 14 Jesus is talking to the disciples in the Upper Room when He says: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.” (v. 14:27a)

Jesus gives us His peace. It’s no secret. There is no magic word to bring you the peace. He gives it. Freely. All we have to do is ask for it.

But what kind of peace does Jesus offer us?

In one of my favorite stories of the Bible, Jesus is asleep in the boat while the disciples are fighting a great windstorm that threatens to capsize the boat and kill them. They wake Jesus up wondering how He can be sleeping while they are about to perish. Jesus stands, maybe even yawns, and looks out to the storm saying, “Peace. Be still.” (Mark 4:39) The wind calms and the waves die down.

That, my friends, is some mighty awesome peace.

And that is the peace that Jesus gives us when we ask Him. When we think we’re drowning, when we can’t imagine the outcome, when all hope looks lost, when the winds threaten to capsize us.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” ~ John 14:27

I need your peace now, Lord. Thank you.


All of today’s Scripture references came from the ESV.

8 responses »

  1. Felecia, my uplifting, amazing, faith-filled friend, I love you, am praying for you, and I’m here if you need anything at all. If you weren’t so effective for the Kingdom of God, you wouldn’t be under such heavy attack by the enemy, but you won’t let this stop you, and you WILL have victory over it in the Name of Jesus. ❤

  2. I “liked,” but since “like” is not a word I can associate with cancer, it feels odd. I’ve never known anyone I could love as quickly as easily as you, so I, along with all of your faithful followers, am here, praying for you and loving you. God bless you, my dear friend.

    • Oh thank you for these kind words, Laura. I too was amazed at how quickly we clicked. Thank you for your love and support and prayers. I so appreciate them.

  3. Hey Felecia,

    It’s maddening and so frustrating that that slimy old enemy of our souls is after your life again. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the word over your life is books, not book. The Word of the Lord is life and truth, so I’m standing on that word and declaring now, Get your hands off my sister, satan, you have no business here!

    The odd thing about walking with God is He teaches us to be lovers, living in the midst of a war zone. So we have to fight to live, so that we can live to love.

    I’m believing for complete healing once and for all.

    Walk in the Blessing, sweet sister Felecia,

    Standing with you,


    • Oh Ben,
      I can’t believe I didn’t see your comment until now. How uplifting, how strengthening your words are to me. Thank you dear brother. I will walking in the Blessing of our Lord and we will all fight this thing together.
      Blessing you.
      Working for the King,

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